Dearest followers,
A small note to those of you who said I couldn’t handle small town life with small children: you sure showed me. Seriously, did I think a 36 hour plane trip (or a 12 and then a seven and then a six and then a nine and then a two) would change my entire inner being? I lasted approximately four and a half weeks before I packed up my unworn dresses and high heels and headed for Berlin. They say when you travel by yourself you get to learn all sorts of fun things about yourself. I learnt that I will certainly never be mistaken for Mary Poppins. Quick aside though, I was the other day, for the second time in my life, mistaken not for Mary Poppins, but for Barbie at the hand of a small child. The first time I was 15; 10 years on, I’ve still got it (“it” apparently being blonde hair, big boobs and a vacant facial expression, yet the blind ambition to become a doctor, astronaut, princess and “big sister.” Yeah right, FYI. I smell a cover up. I somehow suspect Barbie and Ken didn’t wait for Barbie’s Magical Wedding Day).
I am also back to a land of Internet, cellphones and landlines (so I have posted two old blogs I never got to get up - London in February and Reutlingen in March). Gerlinde and Axel, whom I was living with in Dornach, just out of Stuttgart, very kindly tried to upgrade their Internet before my arrival so I could have high speed access to all you kids in New Zulund (or Neuseeland). The result was a near Weapons of Mass Destruction proportion battle with Vodafone and Telecom trying to get numbers changed over and returned, and they were without phone or Internet from the day before I arrived to the week after I left. Cellphone coverage in their house is limited at best, so their endeavours to help me resulted in complete communication loss for all of us. Needless to say, I felt more than a little terrible.
So now I am in Berlin and have adopted a new slogan - kein Job, keine Wohnung, kein Problem (no job, no house, no problem). Many people said to me in the lead up to my move to Berlin, “No job? No house? No friends? Oh my goodness. What will you do?” My German teacher even used it to teach the class a new word - courageous (except I know she wanted to use ’stupid’). One other person said to me, “well, um, at least you have, um, ahh, a good attitude.“ I wasn’t at all stressed out about it until everyone seemed to be telling me I should be. But within five minutes of arriving here (and getting a chocolate heart that I won’t eat and a phone number that I won’t use from a German rugby player - a-thank you) all of my worries subsided. There is a massive abundance of cheap housing here, due to the fact that there is no industry, and that after the wall came down developers expected a massive influx of people that didn’t happen, so lots of houses were built with no one to fill them. The taxi driver also said to me that despite the recession, there is definitely work to be found here because the government pays the bills for all these people who can’t get work so lots of people have no incentive to try (sounds a little familiar). And that’s where I come in. Swoop! Job please. I saw an ad for a PUB CRAWL TOUR GUIDE the other day and just about cried at the perfection that would be my life if I got to write books in the day and get paid to party by night. I had already missed the cut off date for being in Berlin to apply (this was a pre-requisite. I thought I could charm my way around it, like the time I got my car fixed for free, but they were obviously like “dude, seriously, pub crawl tour guide. No shortage of applicants"), but I feel confident another dream job will come my way. Perhaps a vacation trier-outerer? Perhaps a professional puppy cuddler? Perhaps Boris Becker’s girlfriend? Haha. And then I will become leader of the (possibly free - play nice kiddies and I‘ll see how generous I‘m feeling) world and then I won’t need a job, because I figure the world will run itself. Right? And all of the cute little “haha”s I put in my emails and text messages will become “mwah haha”s. I will also get back the FIFTY EUROS I had to pay in excess baggage to get my new backpack filled with new books and new clothes from Suttgart to Berlin. Outrageous.
And now I must vacate the world of the Internet temporarily while I search for a new lair (underground would be ideal - then I‘d be a true evil genius with legitimate world domination plans) and source of income to fund said plans. And then finally I can be not depressed about how sucky the NZ dollar is, but extremely pleased that for every Euro I earn I could buy a small village back home. And the first child from each of you.
Will post a new update when I have a progress report on these important factors to the plan. Oh, and also, I went to an awesome castle with Axel, Clarissa and Leonard (the children) the other day and I think I’m going to move in. I want to be a princess! Crap, maybe I am Barbie… A picture of this castle is on the last post (Germany - Stage One).
Until next time, stay good, be safe and look after the world - because it’s mine.
Stephanie xo
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